I get up, and look outside. What a beautiful day God has given to me. I grab my coffee. Open the window. Listen to the birds and say a prayer.
It has been a rough two Years. I still miss and long for
my son. How can life be so hard? Some days I don't know how to function. I remember every detail of him and his life, yet I can't remember what I did yesterday.
Grief can over-take a person in a day. Mourning can make a person's life seem meaningless. You wonder how you will start your day and how you will manage to get through it.
My son would not want this for me, so, I go on. I think of him and smile and cry at the same time. His happy demeanor. Always a smile, no matter what was going on, how he was feeling, or what he had to face.
His room is still the same. Nothing touched. Nothing moved. I see his face in there. Hear his laughter at a movie he was watching, and hear him when he cries. God has taken my life. A big part of who I was. A love I can't replace or do without. I know I will see him again, but the wait is the hardest part of life.
For now, I talk to him daily. Look at his photos on my desk, and cry. How will I go on? How long will my life be a struggle? When will there be any comfort for my soul and peace for my life? How can I go on? And yet. I somehow manage to do just that.